i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
time to smoke my breakfast
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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