He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
