I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
