hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
