I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Naked. naked and bneed help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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