she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
