am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
