THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
