i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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