smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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