I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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