Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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