Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize