God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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