Are we in a gay sports bar?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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