I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
false alarm. still invincible.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
