He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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