Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
