you would pick up someone in the library
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
