I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
