I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
