Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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