Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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