I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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