Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
