I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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