Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
