My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize