I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
