But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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