One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
