At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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