im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
