in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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