Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
