i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
