There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
