Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
