I want to stick my p in your. b.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
smell my finger.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
