woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
