an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
