kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
