tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
