with your own penis?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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