a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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