the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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