I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
