The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
