I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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