Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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