phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
