I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
