This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
