I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
