I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize