I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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