I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
