At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
