At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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