This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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