my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he thought i was a dude.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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