I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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