and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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