I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
