from now on my penis is your penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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