i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
