I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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