Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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