I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
