you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
