imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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