Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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